I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
