oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
