Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Randomize