It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
