Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
