Sry I called you an 8
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
