take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have fence marks all over my body
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
