Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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