I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
