Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
