I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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