I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
