Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
