I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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