evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
