I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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