shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
