JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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