The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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