I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He passed out mid-signature
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
