he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
