I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
soo... how was my night?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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