If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
