I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
