I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
