Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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