Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
