i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
