at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
