i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
No subtext here. People are naked.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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