There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
