I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
