Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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