The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
