I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Go christen that room with your naked body.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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