So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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