Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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