is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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