...so i touched it.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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