I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize