Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
