Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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