wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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