i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
50% drunk capacity currently
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
