i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
