Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize