I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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