doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
