My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
