is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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