you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
