Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
