I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
