thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
