So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
