you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
