I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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