Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
