He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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