life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
