Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize