Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
