I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
