you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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