Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
