i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
