I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
