you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
