it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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