somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's shark week go big or go home
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
