eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
