Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
