You're completely useless in the revolution.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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