dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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