i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
