we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
