And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We left an ass print on the piano.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
