what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Randomize
