i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
They took my balls.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
