I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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