thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
