Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
