Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
