can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize