Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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