we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He did a backflip because drugs
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
