Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
