you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
