Got a toothbrush?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Randomize
