I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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