Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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