its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He shit in the fireplace
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
