Your mouth is God's brothel.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
