Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
