Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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