So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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