I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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